All Things Lost Page 9

  “And the unhappy spirit that supposedly haunts the house is this Amalie?” Judy asked.

  “So the legend goes,” Steve said with a child-like grin

  “I don't believe in ghosts,” Kane said firmly.

  “Some things exist whether you believe in them or not,” Judy said with a small smile.

  An awkward silence fell over the table until it got to me. I was never one to stand a pregnant pause. “I know what I want to do now; like with my life I mean,” I announced suddenly.

  Everyone turned to look at me and I wondered if I was blushing. “And what would that be?” Adam asked.

  “Well I'll have letters behind my name.”

  “M.D.?” guessed Adam.

  “PhD?” offered Steve.

  “DOA?” Kane smirked.

  Judy just smiled and Jake just looked slightly disinterested.

  “PI,” I said.

  It fell like a brick. Only Judy's expression remained the same. Adam's eyes widened and his fork stopped in midair. Steve frowned. Kane looked as if he was struggling to keep from laughing out loud and Jake looked interested for the first time that night.

  “You want to be a detective?” Adam said carefully.

  “Killian Kendall, PI,” Kane said with a snicker.

  I threw him a dirty look and answered Adam, “Yeah, like Novak. He said that if I work with him three years I could get my license. I'd be like an apprentice.”

  “It sounds kind of dangerous,” Steve said.

  “Not really. He said most of his cases are really boring; mostly research and stuff, like I was doing today.”

  “Are you going to drop out of school?” Adam asked.

  “He hasn't started yet, how can he drop out?” Kane pointed out.

  “No, I would just take classes that would help make me a better investigator; journalism, photography, stuff like that.”

  “Well I think it's a marvelous decision,” Judy interjected. Adam and Steve threw her a matching pair of scowls.

  “Thank you, Judy,” I said deliberately. “It's nice to know someone supports me.”

  “It's not that I don't support you,” Adam said, “I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into.”

  “This is what I really want to do.”

  “You're mother is going to kill me,” he muttered.

  “I'll be 18 in a month, then I'll be an adult and she won't have to worry.”

  “You don't stop being a parent when your child turns 18,” Steve said.

  “I didn't mean to start a family argument at the dinner table,” I said pointedly.

  “What? We're not family?” Judy said with a warm smile.

  “I didn't say that,” I said with an answering smile.

  “Jake, you have one year left of school?”

  “Yeah, Kane and I are in the same grade.” He cast a slightly suggestive smile in Kane's direction. I made a mental not to remind Jake that Kane was straight. Then I decided that Kane could take care of himself and erased the note.

  “It's hard to believe that my youngest son is going to be a senior this fall,” Adam moaned.

  “Tell me about it,” Judy agreed, “Do I look old enough to have a son in college?”

  “No you don't,” Steve assured her, “How is Dash by the way?”

  “Loving every minute of life on his own. He's going on some sort of work exchange experience thing to Australia for a year starting next month. He promised to come for a visit before he leaves.”

  “What kind of work will he be doing?”

  “Knowing Dash, very little. They'll have to pry him away from the beach and parties.”

  “Was it good to see Jamie again?” I asked Jake.

  He gave me a funny look that I couldn't quite decipher. “It's just nice to be home,” he said quietly. I looked at Judy but she didn't look back. I wondered if I had said something wrong.

  “It's good to have you back,” I said to fill the silence. That got me a sexy little smile for my effort. I felt a chill run down my spine and I wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

  I honestly hadn't thought about rekindling any kind of romance with Jake until Kane brought it up. Our last attempt had been a clumsy, uncertain exploration and had ended before it had even truly begun. But now I was finding that the same attractions that were there the first time were still very much present. I had to decide if I wanted to act on those feelings or do my best to ignore them. I still wasn't sure what was happening with Asher. Were we going to work things out and get back together or was that a lost cause? I needed to have a heart to heart talk with someone, and I didn't think Adam or Steve would do this time; they both had too much on their own minds. Maybe I could talk to Judy.

  The conversation had moved on while I was lost in my thoughts and I suddenly found myself the focus of everyone's attention.

  “Uh…what?” I said a bit defensively.

  “I asked if you've heard how Will is making out with the new baby,” Adam said.

  “Oh, he sent me an email last week. I need to go see him. He said he's hardly slept at all since they brought Darin home, but other than that he's good. And Darin is good.”

  “We'll have to have him and the baby over for dinner soon,” Steve suggested.

  “How old is the baby?” Jake asked.

  “Almost a month old,” I told him.

  “Will is Asher's cousin on Aunt Deb's side, right?” he asked Judy.

  “Yes.”

  “I thought Asher told me he was gay.”

  “He is,” I said.

  “So is the baby like…adopted or what?”

  “It's a long story,” I hoped he would get the hint and drop it.

  “Dinner's done, how about if we take a walk and you can tell it to me.”

  “I…” I started to say that I should help clean up, but Adam cut me off.

  “That's a good idea. You two can catch up.”

  I smiled weakly as everyone got up from the table. As I was following Jake towards the door, Judy caught my eye and seemed to be trying to tell me something. I wasn't sure what though so I just kept going.

  I didn't know what to say once we were alone, so I headed in the direction of the beach.

  “I missed the beach,” he said after a minute.

  I thought you were living in California,” I said.

  “California isn't all beaches, you know. Mom and Dash used to live on the coast but they moved inland just before I went out there. Besides, the west coast beach just feels different.”

  “So are you glad to be home now?”

  He shrugged. “What's home? So tell me the story on Will.”

  He seemed to want to change the subject, so I did. I told him the whole thing, including my limited involvement and how Will came to adopt Darin. When I finished he was quiet for a few minutes. The only sound was the crash of the waves rolling in.

  “I missed you, Killian,” he said softly after a while. My heart skipped a beat and then sped up. I looked away. “I thought of you all the time,” he went on, “When I heard that you and Asher had broke up, I have to admit I was relieved.”

  “Look, Jake, I don't know where you're going with this, but I don't know where Asher and I stand. I'm not really…”

  He cut me off with the softest of touches, just the lightest brush of his hand against my cheek. I turned back to face him. He was so close I could smell his scent, feel the warmth from his body. “I don't know if I ever thanked you for saving my life,” he whispered. Then he leaned in ever so slightly and his lips brushed mine. Any restraint I had been holding on to washed away in the sudden rush of emotion and suddenly, I was kissing him with an intensity I hadn't felt in a long time.

  Jake broke away first. “I knew you wanted me,” he said with a self-satisfied grin.

  Chapter 8

  Life is funny sometimes. Not ha-ha funny; the kind of funny where, for the life of you, you just can't figure out what the hell is going on. Every time you think you
're starting to understand the rules of the game, something or someone comes along and throws you a curveball-or three.

  First, there was the whole mess with Asher breaking up with me and making it seem to be my idea. I had to admit I still hadn't sorted out all my feelings on that one. I'd been busy enough with my new job that I hadn't really had time to dwell on it all that much, but I had recently realized that I hadn't been as upset as you would expect over my break-up with my boyfriend of almost two years. It had hardly been more than a speed bump. I wasn't sure what, if anything, that said about me. Maybe it said more about us.

  Then there was this whole fiasco of moving to the Addams' Family homestead. It was causing a definite tension between Adam and Steve. I hoped they weren't heading for a break-up too.

  And as if that wasn't enough, now Jake was kissing me. I wasn't at all sure how I felt about that. I'd always been attracted to Jake. I mean, who wouldn't be? But it was only on a strictly physical level. It was that animal attraction and his aggressive manner that had thrown us together the first time. But I'd grown a lot since then.

  “I'm not going to lie to you, Jake,” I said softly, “I am attracted to you.”

  With a sexy grin, he moved in for another kiss. I placed both hands against his chest and gently but firmly pushed him back.

  “But that's all it is, Jake, a physical attraction.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, his face a study in confusion.

  “Maybe that was enough once, if it ever was, but it's not now. I need more than that. I don't need a meaningless fling right now. I don't even need a boyfriend. I have too much going on that I haven't figured out. What I do need is a friend. Think you'd be interested in the position?”

  “I don't know,” he said slowly, “What are the requirements?”

  I smiled. “Just be yourself.”

  “I think I can handle that,” he said with a tentative smile of his own.

  “And no pressure to be anything more,” I added.

  He nodded and we started walking back, side-by-side in a companionable silence.

  “You know,” he said, stopping suddenly a short ways from the house, “Out in California it was so different from here. Especially where we were. It seemed like everyone wanted something from you, usually sex. It was easy to just fall into the same patterns everyone else was following. I was really confused and angry about everything that happened. Hell, I was just plain messed up. I still am. That's one of the reasons Mom wanted to move back here. Do you know that I probably slept with more than twenty people while we were there? I lost count.”

  “Jake!” I gasped.

  “Don't worry, I always used protection and get tested regularly. That's not my point.”

  “But twenty?”

  “Yeah, I was a slut. But my point is, I've forgotten what it's like to just be friends with someone, with no strings attached.”

  “Why are you telling me all this?”

  “Isn't that what friends do, tell each other everything? I just want you to know that I'm a little rusty on this whole friend thing. I'm probably going to screw up; you should know that now. Like when I was coming on to you back there, it was just, like, force of habit, you know? It was like I couldn't stop myself. And I hated myself the whole time.”

  “Gee…thanks.”

  “I didn't mean it like that,” he said quickly.

  “I know. I was just trying to make a joke.”

  “Oh. Well, what I meant was that…oh hell, I don't know what I meant. What I'm trying to say is that I do want to be your friend. I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into.”

  “I'll take the risk.”

  “Thanks. And thanks for not letting me screw it up.”

  “Hey, what are friends for? Just be careful because I'm not at all sure I'd be able to say no a second time.”

  He grinned. “I'll keep that in mind.”

  * * *

  I walked slowly down the beach by myself. Fog swirled around me and blew across the sand in undulating and ever-changing patterns. Everything seemed softened, even the sound of the waves crashing in seemed muted.

  Suddenly, through the fog, I spotted a familiar form walking in front of me. I stepped up my pace but he somehow stayed just ahead of me, winking in and out in the mist.

  “Seth!” I called out. He turned and smiled, then, with a little wave he turned and disappeared into the fog. I started to run, trying to catch up to him. I saw him again, this time within reach; I grabbed his shoulder. He turned around but it wasn't Seth. It was Todd and suddenly we were back in the room the night he tried to kill Asher, Jake and me, but now it was just me and him. I was holding a gun in my hand, pointed straight at Todd.

  “You took Seth away from me,” I screamed. I pulled the trigger, once, twice, three times. There was no sound, just the sight of Todd crumpling to the ground, his blood a brilliant splash of red. I stood looking down at his lifeless body until I felt a presence beside me. I looked up to see Seth looking at me in horror.

  “You killed him! You're no better than him.”

  With a gasp, I sat straight up in my bed. Weak sunlight trickled through the window and across my sheets. Kane slept peacefully in his bed.

  I hadn't dreamed about Seth in a long time.

  * * *

  Asher was fifteen minutes late meeting me at the restaurant where we had agreed to meet. I sipped a cappuccino while I waited and wondered what the hell I was doing there. I didn't know this kid, why should I care what happens to him? Besides my insatiable curiosity, I knew I was doing it for Asher. Whether or not we were dating, we'd shared too much to turn my back on him now.

  He came through the door looking as good as ever. His curly black hair was still wet from his shower. He was wearing a silvery-blue pullover that set off his eyes and a dark blue pair of cargo shorts. He slid into the seat across from me.

  “Hi, Kill. Thanks for doing this.”

  “I've not done anything yet.”

  “You're here, that's something.”

  “I'm not sure what I'm doing here.”

  “You're good at this kind of stuff. I wouldn't even know where to begin.”

  “So what am I supposed to be doing anyway, interrogating the kid? This is all kind of weird.”

  “How is it weird? I just want you to meet him. Once you meet him you'll know he didn't do this. He couldn't have done what they're saying he did. It's not in him.”

  “There's a lot more in any of us then we even know,” I said, thinking about my dream.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I killed Todd.”

  “But you had to. It was self-defense.”

  “I still killed a person, Asher. I took someone's life. Maybe this kid felt like it was in self-defense. His dad abused him so he whacked him.”

  “Whacked? You sound like a gangster. And his name is Caleb, stop calling him the kid. He's not that much younger than we are. If you already think he's guilty why are you even doing this?”

  “I told you, I don't know why I'm here. I wouldn't be doing this for anyone else.”

  An unreadable look came into his eyes. “Do you still love me?”

  “What? I...Yeah, of course I do.”

  “You do?”

  “You thought I stopped loving you? Did you stop loving me?”

  “Yes…I mean, no. I mean, I didn't know what to think. You were acting so weird. You never talked to me, I mean really talked about important things. You never told me how you were feeling, what you were thinking.”

  “Maybe I wasn't ready for the kind of relationship we had.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I think we moved too fast.”

  “Too fast? Killian, if we went any slower we'd be dating at a retirement center.”

  “We were kids. Hell, we still are. I'd never dated anyone before and suddenly here I was in a long-term relationship. I wasn't ready for that.”

  “I thought you just said you
loved me.”

  “I did. I do. It's just that…I don't know what I want right now. I feel like I'm searching for something, but I don't think I'm going to find it in a relationship. Not right now, anyway. I don't want to lose our friendship. You're a part of my life and I've missed you.”

  “I've missed you too. I don't know what to do. Let's just do this now and worry about the rest later.”

  We stood up and walked out to the parking lot.

  “Are we going in one car or taking both?” I asked.

  “It's silly to take both. Why don't you just drive with me?”

  I climbed in and we set off. Conversation was kept to a minimum and what little there was seemed superficial. I was relieved when we arrived at the Juvenile Detention Center where Caleb was being held.

  It was a squat brick building, not the most architecturally interesting structure. The small lawn had been attractively landscaped, though, and an American flag flapped in the breeze.

  We went in and told the uniformed lady at the front desk who we were there to see. There was some discussion on her phone, then we had to sign into a register. We were led to a room with a bank of booths with a glass wall separating us from an identical set-up on the other side. We had to wait a few minutes before Caleb was led in.

  I stared at him in surprise. My first impression was that Asher was right, there was no way this kid could have killed anyone. He was small, maybe 5'3” and if he weighed more than 100 pounds I'd be shocked. He had a mop of light brown hair and enormous brown eyes that radiated anguish like a beacon. His thin lips were pressed together nervously as he looked me over. He settled into the seat across from us and fixed his mournful gaze on Asher.