All Things Lost Read online

  Chapter 1

  Blood covered everything in the small room, an incredible amount of blood. It splattered the walls, covered the floor and even dripped from the ceiling. The smell was nauseating, overwhelming the senses with its metallic bite. It was amazing to think that so much blood could come from one person, but there was only one body in evidence.

  The body, it could no longer be called a person, all that had made it a person - the spark and soul that makes one alive - was gone. What was left was just an empty shell. This one more empty than most. The head had been nearly severed from the neck and that only after it had been hacked and chopped repeatedly. It lay now in a grotesque heap in the middle of the room.

  It would have been easy and strangely satisfying to leave it like that for someone to find. And it wouldn't have been right away either. The person the body had once been was not the type of person anyone would miss, or if they did it would only be to appreciate the fact that he was absent. The idea of someone else witnessing his bloody and undignified end was very compelling but it was too much of a risk. As careful as one was, you just couldn't be sure what kind of evidence had been left behind. If even half of what they showed on TV was true then those forensic investigators could practically work magic. No, it was too big a risk.

  Gasoline splashed across the floor, mingling with the blood and overpowering the smell of death.

  Chapter 1

  There's a certain pleasure in that drowsy state that occurs somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. You know the sun is out because you can feel the warmth on your eyelids, but you have nowhere to be and nothing to do so you just lie there, not quite asleep, but not really awake either. It wasn't something I got to experience very often so I was enjoying the rare treat for all it was worth. At least I was until the phone started ringing.

  I knew I was home alone so at first I decided to ignore it. After what must have been a dozen rings it stopped, much to my relief. But before I could sink back into oblivion it started up again. With a sign I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and staggered across the room to snatch up the offending object.

  “H'lo?” I mumbled sleepily. I was determined not to wake up entirely on the off chance it was just a long distance phone service salesman.

  “Hey sexy,” a familiar voice purred. I suddenly found myself wide-awake and not in the least bit resentful.

  “Hey yourself, beautiful,” I said, a smile warming my voice.

  “Please tell me I didn't wake you up. You can't be sleeping away the first day of our lives as high school graduates!”

  “Well I was, but I wasn't exactly asleep.”

  He laughed, “But you weren't exactly awake either?”

  “Exactly!” We both laughed, “So what's up?” I asked.

  “Nothing really, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

  “You'll be hearing it all too often before too much longer.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Well, aren't we going to get a place together? I mean, I just assumed because you said you didn't want to live on campus and I don't want to drive all that way everyday…”

  “Oh wow…I guess I hadn't really thought about it. Yeah, definitely!” Excitement filled his voice. “Waking up in your arms every morning! Let's start looking today!”

  “Today? But we have 3 months…”

  “Not really, more like two, and besides, that's not even that long. We can stop and see Will while we're over there, too. I'm a little worried about him.”

  “I…I guess so. I need to take a shower and stuff.”

  “Ok, meet me at my house whenever you're ready.”

  “Ok. See you later.”

  “Later. Oh, and Killian? I love you.”

  “I love you too, Ash.”

  I hung up the phone and stood staring down at it for a moment or two. I had just assumed we would be living together and was surprised that the thought hadn't already crossed Asher's mind. If I had known that he wasn't already planning it I don't know if I would have brought it up. I wasn't at all sure I was ready for that step and had only said something because I had assumed it was already decided. Oh well, too late to back out now.

  I grabbed a pair of clean boxers and started for the bathroom, my mind swirling as I went. Asher and I had been together now for a year and a half. We'd been friends since we were kids, growing up next door to each other and going to the same school. Things had changed in our junior year though, when a new boy had arrived at school. His name was Seth and he stirred things in me that I'd never felt before. I soon realized that I was gay. When Seth was murdered in what looked to be a hate crime, the police passed it off as a random mugging gone wrong. I couldn't accept that however, and I enlisted Asher's help in finding the real killer. Along the way, Asher told me he loved me and had loved me for years. By the time we figured out who the killer was we had almost become his latest victims.

  Jump forward about one year later. My cousin, Aidan, and Asher's cousin, Will, become roommates and then lovers. Will's best friend was found dead in a swimming pool and it was ruled an accidental death But shortly after that, Will received a cryptic note in the mail saying that it wasn't an accident. He asked Asher and me, and a few of his other friends to help find out what really happened. I agreed to help, against Asher's wishes. It almost tore us apart. It turned out that Asher had been right. By the time it was all over, Aidan was dead. The shockwaves were far reaching and they had yet to really settle. I could understand why Asher was worried about Will.

  Six months had passed since Aidan was shot and I knew that Will hadn't dealt with things very well. He had become very withdrawn, quit his job at the art gallery and moved back in with his mom. I knew he was seeing a counselor sporadically, but I couldn't see where he had let it help him all that much.

  As I was dressing, my mind wandered back to Asher and I. Was moving in together the right move? Even though we had been together for a long time now, we had still never made love. We'd fooled around some, but we had never really gone all the way. Asher was ready, had been for some time, but for some reason I just wasn't. I know Asher tried to be understanding, but it was creating stress in our relationship. It was something I really needed to work on if I was as committed to us as I liked to think I was.

  An hour later, Asher and I were on our way to Will's house.

  “I was thinking about Will earlier,” I said as I drove.

  “Yeah? I've been thinking about him a lot lately,” he said, “The baby will be coming soon and I just don't think he's ready.”

  Before he had been killed, Will's friend had gotten a girl named Caitlin pregnant. Will had offered to help raise the baby, even signed papers that made it all legal and binding. And then it turned out that she was the killer. The baby was due any day now.

  “What do you mean, not ready?” I asked, “He's obviously still depressed and all but that's to be expected, don't you think? I mean his dad died and then his lover was killed on their wedding night. You can't expect someone to get over something like that overnight. Maybe the baby will help bring him around.”

  “Maybe, but what if it doesn't? He's barely left the house in the last sixth months. He isn't working, as far as I know he isn't even painting; I'm just worried about him.”

  “So am I, Ash, but what can we do?”

  He sighed, “I don't know. I wish there was something though.”

  We drove the rest of the way in a slightly uncomfortable silence. This had been happening more and more lately. It used to be that we could talk about anything and nothing for hours on end, or simply enjoy a companionable silence, the kind when nothing needs to be said. Our silences seemed heavy these days.

  I had been convinced from day one that Asher and I were mean
t to be together forever. I still wanted to believe that, but now I sometimes found myself wondering if that was realistic. We were still kids; who were we to know about forever? I looked over at him slouched down in the passenger seat and thought about how much he had changed in the last year. He was tall now, a little over six feet, but still thin. His curly black hair was a little longer than it used to be, I wondered if he was growing it out or if he'd just missed a haircut. Why didn't I know something like that? His face had lost some of that adolescent look and he was really starting to look like an adult now. His eyes were the only things that hadn't changed; they were still the same inscrutable silvery-gray.

  I shifted my gaze to the rear-view mirror at my own reflection. I hadn't changed much. I've always looked younger than my age and I still did. I was average height, about five foot nine, and maybe slightly underweight. I had bright blue eyes and wavy blonde hair. All in all I could have easily passed for a tenth grader instead of a high school graduate, even if the graduation had only happened yesterday. I sighed.

  “What are you thinking?” Asher asked.

  “I look like a little kid. Who's ever going to take me serious when I look fifteen?”

  “You're adorable!” he protested.

  “Exactly! I'm adorable, like a little kid. You look all grown up, you look...sexy.”

  “Gee thanks,” he giggled, “You make that sound like such a bad thing. But seriously, where is this coming from? I love the way you look. I love everything about you, you know that.”

  I sighed again, “It's not that. I don't know, just forget it.”

  “No, if it's really bothering you I don't want to just forget it.”

  “Well I want you to, ok?”

  “Geez, Killian, what is up with you?”

  “I don't know. I'm sorry.”

  Any further strained conversation was spared as we pulled into the driveway of Will's house. It was a modest, two story home with an attached garage. The white vinyl siding was looking a bit grungy, as if it needed a good power washing. The shrubs were slightly overgrown and had a scraggly look to them. It looked like what it was; a home whose primary caretaker had passed away not too long ago. It looked like neither Will nor his mom had found keeping up the outside of the house a high priority.

  We climbed out of the car and walked up to the front door. Will answered our knock.

  “Hi, did I know you were coming?” he said with a slightly confused expression.

  I smiled. “Nope, you had no idea. We decided to surprise you.”

  “Surprise!” Asher added cheerfully.

  Will gave us a ghost of a smile as he stepped back to allow us in. We all trooped into the living room, which unlike the outside of the house, was neat and comfortable looking. I looked Will over carefully as we sat down. At first glance, the resemblance between Will and Asher was striking. They both shared the same pale complexion that blushed so very easily and the same curly black hair. The similarities pretty much stopped there, though. Will's eyes were a deep blue and he lacked a good six inches of Asher's height. His rumpled clothing looked liked he slept in them and it looked as if he hadn't shaved today.

  “So what's up?” he asked.

  I looked over at Asher and decided to let him take the lead. He was Will's cousin after all, and knew him much better than I did.

  “We just hadn't talked to you in a while and wanted to see how you were,” Asher said carefully.

  Will frowned, “I'm fine. What do you mean how I am?”

  “Well, I mean…with everything…”

  “You mean Aidan being murdered?” Will asked bluntly.

  Asher blinked in surprise but recovered quickly. “Yeah, I guess so. And the baby's coming soon too, right?”

  Will smiled again, this time a genuine smile. “Yeah, any day now. It could even be today.”

  “They'll call you when Caitlin goes into labor?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Actually, she's already at the hospital. The doctor made her stay in bed for just about the whole last trimester. She's had a really hard time. A couple times, we thought she might lose the baby, but she's determined that nothing will happen to him. One nurse said it was almost like she was giving her strength to the baby. She's gone into labor several times early but they were able to stop it. They said next time though they'll just let her have him. She's getting weaker all the time and they can't take the risk of drawing it out any more.”

  “You said him; you know it's a boy?”

  “Oh yeah, we've known for a while now. With all the tests they've had to do it was easy for them to know.”

  “Have you chosen a name?”

  “I have a baby name book but I haven't been able to decide on anything yet. If it's a boy I want his middle name to be Joseph, after his father. I thought about naming him Aidan but that would be too painful.” He looked away but not before I thought I saw tears well up in his eyes.

  “Have you painted anything lately?” Asher asked. Before the murders Will had been a rising star in the local art world. He'd even had his own show last fall.

  He shook his head and avoided looking at us.

  “You should get back into that, Will,” Asher said gently.

  “I know; I just haven't felt like doing it since…”

  I was starting to feel like all we were doing was opening up old wounds. I decided it was definitely time for a change of subject.

  “Ash and I are looking for an apartment over here, something close to school if possible.”

  “Really?” he asked without much interest in his voice. I wondered if thinking of apartments made him remember the apartment he had lived in with Aidan, been married in and then watched Aidan die in. It seemed like no topic was safe with him.

  “Yeah and we'd better go before it gets too late,” I said. I hoped the desperation wasn't too obvious in my voice. I wanted out of there bad.

  Will looked up and gave me a funny look so I guessed it must have been pretty obvious. “Why don't you come back for dinner? Mom will be home by then and she'd probably like to see you guys.”

  I didn't know why she would since I barely even knew her, but maybe it was Will that really wanted to see more of us. We agreed to be back around five o'clock.

  We spent the rest of the day driving around the city checking out apartments. We found a couple we liked close to the school and in our price range. We were feeling pretty satisfied with ourselves when we arrived back at Will's house.

  Will's mom was home and it smelled like Will had actually been cooking while we were gone. We were told that the meal would be ready soon.

  Dinner turned out to be quite good; Will had prepared a casserole of some sort that involved chicken, broccoli and cheese. The company wasn't quite as good. Will's mom was tired after a long shift at the hospital and any conversation with Will was fraught with landmines.

  Asher and I exchanged an unspoken message with our eyes and I was just about to make an excuse for us to leave when the phone rang. Will's mom excused herself and went to answer it. She was back in a flash.

  “Will, it's the hospital. Caitlin is in labor!”

  Will leaped to his feet, toppling his chair and showing the most animation I'd seen yet from him. He ran for the door then spun back around. “You're coming, right?” he said to his mother.

  “Yes, let me change and I'll be there,” she answered.

  Then he turned to Asher and I, who were still sitting at the table. “Will you guys come too?” he asked us.

  “Us?” I squeaked.

  “I'd really like it if you could be there too.”

  “We're right behind you,” Asher said as he jumped up.

  I followed the two of them out the door. Once outside, we decided that Will should ride over with us so we all piled into my Volkswagen Bug and headed for the hospital. As I drove I remembered that the last time I was at that hospital Will's dad had been dying. I wondered if that was on Will's mind too. It seemed like everywhere he turned that was some remi
nder of what he had lost. Maybe the losses would be overshadowed tonight by what he was gaining.

  We pulled into the hospital parking lot and we raced into the main lobby. Will skid to a halt in front of the information desk.

  “Where do they have the babies?” he asked the startled looking young woman behind the desk. I had to fight down an urge to giggle, but she must have been used to hysterical fathers.

  “Fourth floor is maternity,” she said and Will was off running again, “Sir?” she called after him but he was already around the corner at the elevators. She turned to us, “Is he the father?”

  “Um…I guess so,” I said uncertainly.

  The woman shook her head. “They'll take care of him at the nurses' station there then.”

  Asher and I caught up with him a few minutes later. A nurse was explaining something to him as we approached but we missed the bulk of it.

  “You can wait right over here,” the nurse was saying as we joined them.

  She led us to a small waiting area with several institutional couches and chairs. A magazine rack with health magazines hung on the wall. They looked like fascinating reading...if you were there recovering from a lobotomy. I had a feeling this would be a long wait.

  “I'd better go call home,” I said after a few minutes of silence.

  “Good idea,” Asher said, “I'd better call Mom and Dad, too.”

  We asked for the pay phones at the nurses' station and then set off to call home.

  When we got back at the waiting room we found several new additions. Will's mom had arrived and to my surprise, Laura and Gabe were there too. Laura was one of Will's lifelong friends and Gabe was her boyfriend. Laura was one of the most strikingly beautiful girls I had ever seen, half African-American and half Native American. She had long shiny black hair and dark almond-shaped eyes. Gabe was Hispanic and very handsome in his own right. They were both students at the college Asher and I would be attending this fall.

  After the initial greetings were over we all settled back down on the hard furniture and began to chat. We filled the whole room but luckily, there weren't any other women in labor right then. Will was noticeably brighter than he'd been all day.