Never Alone Read online

  “Please Dad, don't make excuses for her. She lied to us. I'm sure she had her reasons in her own mind, but I don't want to hear them. If Grandma Allen could forgive him and be his friend then Mom should too. She's the one who's always going on about God's forgiveness. She's such a hypocrite.”

  “Jacy, she's your mother. You shouldn't talk about her like that.”

  I looked over at him. “She threw me out.”

  He didn't have anything to say to that. A few minutes later he tried again, “You know we can't condone a gay lifestyle.”

  “You know what? I think I'd rather just walk.”

  “Jacy...”

  “I didn't ask you to condone anything, Dad. I don't even know what the gay lifestyle is, so how can I ask you to condone it? All I know is that there are a lot of things going on right now that I can't explain or do anything about, and the church isn't going to be a big help.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Never mind... can we please just drop it?”

  The heavy silence from earlier returned with a vengeance. I stared out at the storm-darkened landscape as rain sheeted off the windows. We were almost to Lily's house when a feeling of intense urgency washed over me. I gasped with the sudden wave of emotion. It was so strong that it took me a moment to figure out the source.

  “Take me to Fletcher's house,” I said. My voice sounded strained even to me.

  “What? Who?”

  “Fletcher Snyder, Mom's real dad. Please!” I begged. “Hurry!”

  “I don't know where he lives.” My panic was contagious and Dad was picking up on it even without understanding.

  I gave him directions as best I could, and, miraculously, he seemed to understand them. At my repeated urgings, he drove much too fast, especially considering the wet road, but the feeling of urgency just kept growing. By the time Fletcher's house came into view, I was straining against my seat belt. I hadn't known what to expect, but the sight of flashing lights in the front yard hit me like a physical blow.

  “Maybe we shouldn't stop,” Dad suggested doubtfully.

  “Stop,” I ordered through clenched teeth.

  The van was still moving when I leapt out the door and started across the lawn. I noted Lily's car parked haphazardly in the grass, as if she'd arrived here hurriedly and had tried to avoid blocking the ambulance. There was no one in the ambulance so I figured everyone was inside. With my heart in my throat, I headed for the front door. Just as I reached the bottom step, the door burst open and a uniformed EMT backed out wheeling the front end of a stretcher. My stomach dropped as I recognized Fletcher strapped to the immobilizer. As the stretcher continued to emerge through the door, I stared in horror at my grandfather. His eyes were closed and he looked very gray. He could have been dead for all I knew. Another EMT appeared at the other end of the stretcher. He noticed me as they maneuvered towards the steps.

  “Hey kid,” he said, “you're going to have to move back so we can get by.”

  I obediently stepped back and watched as they carefully brought Fletcher down the stairs.

  “Is he going to be okay?” I asked.

  The technician who'd asked me to move looked over at me. “You family?” he asked. If his words seemed a bit gruff, his voice was kind.

  “He's my grandfather,” I said, unable to tear my eyes from his ashen face.

  “He's going to be all right. Your mom is inside on the phone,” he said. “Why don't you go on in out of the rain? We're going to take good care of your granddad.”

  I didn't bother to correct his assumption about my relationship to Aunt Lily. I simply nodded and started backing towards the door, my eyes still never leaving Fletcher's face.

  “Jacy?” Lily's voice suddenly came from behind me. I turned to find her standing in the doorway, cell phone in hand. “What are you doing here?” She looked over my shoulder, and her expression grew even more confused. “Glen?” she asked.

  I glanced behind me to see Dad walking up behind me, umbrella in hand.

  “How'd you guys hear? I was just calling everyone.”

  “We didn't get a phone call,” Dad said slowly, watching me with a mixture of wariness and respect.

  Lily looked back and forth between the two of us as understanding dawned. “It happened again?” she asked me.

  “It wasn't the same,” I said with a frustrated shrug. I couldn't explain it and I had other, more important things on my mind. “I just knew something was wrong. What happened? Is he okay?”

  “Come inside. You're getting soaked.”

  “I was already wet,” I said, but I followed her inside anyway, Dad trailing behind me as if unsure of his welcome.

  “They think Dad had a heart attack,” Lily said once we were all inside. “They don't know how bad it was yet, or if there will be any permanent damage. They have to run a lot of tests, but they think he'll be okay. I was just getting ready to go to the hospital. Do you want to come?”

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation.

  “Jacy...” Dad began.

  “You can go home,” I told him quickly. “I'll get my stuff out of the van.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” I turned to Lily who was watching our exchange with narrowed eyes. “Is it okay if I leave my stuff here for now?”

  “Put it in my car and explain on the way,” she said, moving towards the door.

  Once more, we went out into the rain. The ambulance was just now pulling out of the driveway. I quickly retrieved my clothes and backpack from the van and tossed them into the back seat of Lily's car, climbing in after them. Lily already had the car running so a teary good-bye scene with Dad was out of the questions. Not that it would have happened anyway. She peeled out of the driveway, leaving Dad standing on the side of the road with just his umbrella.

  “What happened?” she asked, keeping her eyes on the slick road.

  “I don't know. I just felt like I had to get to Fletcher as quickly as possible.”

  “Not that. I know what happened there. What happened with that?” She jerked a thumb towards the back seat.

  “Oh. I got kicked out,” I said bitterly.

  “You what?”

  “Mom kicked me out. We had a fight and I told her I knew she'd lied to me all these years about Fletcher...and that I was gay.”

  “Holy shit, kid! You've got balls, I'll give you that. What brought all that on?”

  I told her about leaving church and running into Skye. She rolled her eyes at the mention of his name.

  “I should have known he was involved in this somewhere. Trouble follows that boy around like a puppy.”

  “It wasn't really his fault. I made the decision to go with him.”

  She shook her head and I quickly finished the story. “So my sister threw you out,” she said with disapproval when I'd finished. “Unbelievable. She still manages to shock me after all these years. Where were you going?”

  “Your house?” I said sheepishly.

  She threw me look out of the corner of her eye. “Oh really?”

  I squirmed in my seat. “I'm sorry. If it's not okay, I'll...” I had no idea what I'd do. The idea scared me. I hadn't even let myself think that far ahead.

  “You'll what? Live on the street? Don't be daft. Of course it's okay. You're family and I, for one, will not just turn you away. Besides, it's partially my fault you're even in this mess. I'm the one that told you about your grandfather. I just hadn't planned on having kids at this stage of my life.”

  “You're not that old.”

  She snorted. “Thank you for that back-handed compliment.”

  “What?”

  “Never mind.”

  “So it's okay?”

  “Yes, Jacy. It's fine.”

  We were quiet for a minute. Then I asked, “Will Fletcher really be okay?”

  She looked over at me. “I don't know, Jacy. We can hope. He's a strong man.”

  “The guy with the ambulance said he'd be all right
.”

  She gave me a weak smile. “He's the professional.”

  We arrived at the hospital a few minutes later and entered through the Emergency Room door. I'd never been in a hospital before, and it didn't take me long to decide I didn't like it at all. Just walking through the door made me feel dizzy. It was like walking into a solid wall of smell, sound, emotion, and pain-each of which was equally palpable. Lily went directly to the nurses' station to ask about Fletcher. I tried to concentrate on what the nurse was telling her, but my head was spinning. I started to feel like I might get sick. I reached out for the counter but missed it and stumbled against the wall.

  “Jacy, are you okay?” I heard Lily asked, but it sounded like she was at the far end of a tunnel.

  I gasped for air, but everything was going black. The last thing I saw was the floor rushing towards me.

  * * *

  I was standing in a bright meadow. Tall grass waved softly in a gentle breeze and sunlight warmed my bare shoulders. The sky was an impossible blue without a cloud in sight. I had no idea where I was, but somehow this didn't bother me at all. I simply felt a sense of peace.

  “Hello, Jacy,” a voice said from behind me. I turned to find Fletcher, seated cross-legged on the ground. He patted a space beside him and I joined him.

  “Where are we?” I asked him.

  “We are in the dream world.”

  “So, this isn't real?”

  “Oh, it's quite real.”

  “I don't understand.”

  “You will with time. I'll teach you.”

  “So you're not going to die?”

  He laughed a full, rich laugh. “Oh no! You'll not get rid of me that easily.” He studied me for a few seconds. “You're even stronger than I first thought if you found your way here on your own without even knowing it existed.” He grinned proudly. “Your first spirit journey!” His grin faded quickly to a frown. “But you need to learn to shield yourself.”

  “Shield myself? From what?”

  “You're a strong empath. All true two-spirits are. Now you just have to learn to control your empathy. You're going to have to shield against all the emotion and pain you feel in a place like the hospital.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “Keep one foot firmly planted here in this place,” he said with a smile.

  “I don't understand.”

  “Don't worry. You don't need to understand. You'll just know.” He clapped his hands together with anticipation. “Now, it's time to see your spirit animal. Stand up!”

  I jumped to my feet just as a shadow began to ripple across the surface of the grass. I looked up to see a huge gray owl swooping in on us. Instead of being startled, I simply felt a quickening of my heartbeat and a sense of recognition. The magnificent bird flew around me twice. “Put out your arm,” Fletcher instructed me. I did as he said and the owl settled gingerly onto my forearm. His weight barely even registered as my hair blew back from the wind created by his beating wings. His round, yellow eyes found mine, and everything else just seemed to fade away.

  ** *

  Waking up in a hospital bed and not knowing how I got there was quite a disorienting experience. I remembered arriving at the hospital, and feeling overwhelmed, but I didn't remember anything after that. I gingerly sat up and looked around. I was in a sort of cubicle with walls on three sides and a curtain across the front. There was only one bed in the small room, and I was in it. I glanced down and was relieved to see I was still wearing my clothes at least.

  The cacophony of stimuli had receded. It was still there, but the world seemed somehow muted. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and prepared to hop down, but at that moment the curtain was yanked aside. I jumped and let out a startled yelp. An equally startled young Asian woman in blue scrubs stared in at me as if I'd lost my mind.

  “I see you're awake now, Mister...” She paused and consulted the chart she held in her hand. “...Elliott.” She made it sound like I'd taken a little nap instead of passing out in the middle of the floor.

  “Where's my aunt?”

  She glanced down at her chart again, then back up at me. “I don't know, but I'll find out for you right after I do a few quick tests to make sure you're okay.”

  “I'm fine,” I said. I didn't want to do any tests, I just wanted to find Lily and see how Fletcher was doing.

  “Maybe you can just answer a few quick questions,” she plowed on. “Have you ever fainted before?”

  “No, but I'm fine. If I could just see my aunt...”

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  I stopped to think. Now that she mentioned it, I hadn't eaten since breakfast. “Early this morning,” I said. “See, that's all it is, I haven't eaten today. I'll just go find my aunt and I'll get something to eat.”

  She sighed, finally seeming to give in. “Okay, wait right here and I'll go see if I can find you aunt...” Another chart consultation provided her name. “...Ms. Lily Snyder.” I wondered what she'd do if she lost that chart. “You stay put and I'll be right back.” She pulled the curtain closed as she left, ever thoughtful of my privacy.

  I waited exactly five seconds before I was off the bed and cautiously sticking my head out the curtain. The good doctor was nowhere in sight, so I slipped into the hallway. A nurse was just coming out of another cubicle, so I asked her for directions to the waiting room. She pointed distractedly towards the end of the hall and a pair of swinging doors. I walked swiftly in that direction, only to find that the doors were not your typical swinging doors. I pushed tentatively against one, but nothing happened.

  “You have to use this button,” another nurse said as she walked up briskly behind me and smacked a large flat stainless steel button on the wall. The doors swung open, one inward and one outward. Of course, I was in front of the one that swung inward, causing me to jump back out of the way. I quickly followed her through the doors and into the waiting room. I immediately spotted Lily sitting in a chair on the far side of the room staring blindly at the TV in the corner, her chin propped on her fist. She glanced up as I approached. She jumped to her feet and pulled me against her for a hug.

  “Are you all right?” she asked. “I hadn't heard anything since they said you'd passed out.”

  “I'm fine,” I said, not mentioning my jailbreak. “How's Fletcher?”

  “They're still doing tests,” she said, sinking wearily back into her seat. I sat in the chair next to hers. “So what happened with you? Do they know why you fainted?”

  I shrugged. “I haven't eaten today,” I told her. I wasn't ready to talk about the inundation of pain and emotion I'd felt.

  She frowned. “Maybe we should run to the gift shop. They have a little restaurant in there.”

  “Would it still be open?” I asked. I wasn't really hungry, but I figured I should probably eat something before it really did become a problem.

  She glanced at her watch. “I don't know. I'll go ask.”

  “Ms. Snyder? Lily Snyder?” Someone called before she could stand up.

  Lily's head snapped around. “Right here,” she said loudly. I turned to find the doctor who'd questioned me back in the room.

  “Ms. Snyder, your nephew is awake now...” she began before spotting me. She pursed her lips and gave me a disapproving look. “But I see you knew that already.”

  “We were just going to see about getting him something to eat,” Lily said.

  She nodded primly. “That's probably the best thing. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

  “Is the restaurant still open?”

  “Yes,” she said after checking her watch.

  “Thank you,” Lily said.

  Lily checked at the nurse's station before we left, but there was still no news. We went to the gift shop where I managed to force down half a turkey sandwich. Lily simply picked at my plate of french-fries. After a while, we both gave up the pretense of eating and simply threw the remaining food away. We returned to the waiting room
where, naturally, we waited. And waited. Time seemed to drag by. The TV flickered soundlessly in the corner, providing little distraction. I couldn't seem to focus on the out-dated and tattered magazines. Somehow, I'd managed to shield myself from the worst of the waves of emotion. I could still feel them pummeling against my shaky bulwark, but, so far, it held. While I had no idea how I'd done it, I was quite relieved. Lily offered little in the way of conversation, and I wasn't exactly chatty myself. Eventually, boredom overcame my tension and I began to doze, drifting in and out of a light sleep.